Socializing v. Networking

I don't call myself a social butterfly for just any reason. I love to socialize and meet new people. I find you almost always learn something you didn't previously know when you meet someone new.

Oh, you didn't know there was a Bob's Bagel Mart on Orange? Oh yeah, we go there all the time. Fantastic little bagel shop has the best coffee!

Or,

If you over boil the rigatoni a bit and then layer it with ricotta cheese in a pan, cover it with mozzarella, and bake it for a while you have a tasty Italian dish similar to Lasagna, but a little bit different.

As much as I love to socialize, as much as I love to meet new people and make new connections, I'm as nervous as the next gal when walking into a networking event. Networking events are a whole different ballgame from meeting people in a social environment. These events are designed specifically to bring about people who do not currently know each other in order for them to meet one another. Therefore, you have an event coordinated specifically for a bunch of strangers with the sole purpose of meet, greet, talk! It all feels very forced.

So what is the difference between a room full of strangers at a networking meeting versus a bunch of strangers in a pool room? Why is it I have no issue striking up conversation with the people at the pool table next to me and yet my rare, but still very much real, social anxiety kicks in at the door of the local social media round table meeting?

My theory is that when one meets strangers at a social event, the socialization isn't necessarily expected. It happens naturally. It's what I call organic socialization. At a networking event, it's expected. And not only that, but we as the networkers want nothing more than to present ourselves in the best light. These are those first impression moments, and we want to stand out. I don't know about you, but I immediately become socially awkward when I'm trying really hard not to be socially awkward.

On top of that, while networking events and social events alike bring about people with common grounds, the former usually means the common ground is work. It's what we do for a living, and what we've been talking about all day already. Now we're in a room full of people who are trying to sell their same skills and trying their hardest to outshine everyone else in the room. We all want to leave that memorable impression on the bigwig we just shook hands with.

And what do you talk about after the first five minutes of "Nice to meet you. I'm so-and-so and I do such-and-such for company ABC..."? Occasionally you do meet a person with whom you hit it off, and the conversation typically moves off the topic of work because you've realized you and this person have more in common than paychecks. But when it doesn't, you simply exchange business cards after a slightly awkward silence and move on to the next person.

Now that I've said all that, I still find great value in attending these events. When leaving, I always find that I ended up having a lot of fun. It ordinarily takes me a little while to shake off that odd bout of social anxiety, but once I do, I'm just as sociable here as anywhere else.

The thing about networking is, you're not going to see tremendous career changing results from one event, two events, even a year worth of events possibly. It takes time to build connections. But when you do become someone's go-to person, all that time is worth it. Networking is something we have to work into our modus operandi. Sporadic attendance to opportunities to meet like minded people will mean every time you show up you're a new person in the room.

I'll admit I've been more on the sporadic side in my career so far. I can't attend a lot of them as the babysitter issue is always there for a working single mother. It's difficult sometimes to decide which ones are worth the dollars in child care and more time away from my son, but I think I've let this become an excuse. But no more! I'm making a commitment here for all to see.

I will:
1. Go to at least one networking event a month.
2. Change it up - I'm not going to stick to just advertising and marketing events. I'm going to attend a variety so as to meet more potential clients in addition to fellows in my industry.
3. Be patient and accept that it will take time to build connections and may cost me money to do so.